Films, and such.

listening to: Takeover by Jay-Z

maybe i'll pour my heart out tonight,
maybe i wont.

maybe im just scared of what you think of me.
maybe my language is just inadequate and my confessions just end up in an awkward, tangled mess.

maybe im just another face in the crowd,
maybe im not one of them.

maybe im trying my best to say something..
maybe i just cant get there.

wrote this, or rather, typed this on my phone on my way home tonight. dont know if it sounds stupid, but well. whatever, really.

listening to jewel, her voice is beautiful. what a talented singer-songwriter, too bad she got caught up in all that commercial rubbish in the end.

i swear mainstream stuff just sound advertismenty (new word) and fake. and radio overplay kills songs and destroys their beauty. that james blunt song was nice. the radio just killed it and made it sound artificial. too bad there's no way around this. money, unfortunately, makes the world go round. at least for the business world. chasing profits and giving up their musical integrity along the way is the norm.

even the beauty of music is tainted by money.

anyway, if you've read this far, brace youself. i think its going to be a long entry (it already is, anway)

sometimes i think my blog makes it difficult for people to read my stuff. i mean, im assuming people do read my words. what do i have to say that is important, really.

i want to write. but more importantly, i want to write stuff that actually means something. anyway, im not as gifted with the language as others, say mel or iz, so i guess i'll just stick to rambling like i am doing now.

besides, i dont really edit the stuff i've written, so whatever you read is just how it is when i thought of it.

actually, i think blogging is more about talking to youself, than telling stuff to others. hmm what do you think? i dont think people possess the patience to read through all the stuff written, unless of course its a really brilliant or beautiful piece of writing. so really your message hardly gets through your posts on your blog. and whatever you've written is just written for yourself.

i really should get jewel's 'pieces of you' album.

okay, i guess i shall sleep now? haha i probably won't. its ONLY 12.14 am. okay i shall talk a bit more.

anyway, i think i must be one of the most insecure people around. it gets annoying, but it doesnt go away, all my doubts. i really should be more confident of myself and not constantly doubt myself. i wonder where these insecurities stem from. i guess its just the environment i grew up in, where everyone doesnt really show their encouragement that much. instead, they pick on the flaws and well, im left constanly worrying that im flawed or im making a mistake. hmm

okay i guess i really should sleep now. cj's having a match tomorrow, and although i doubt i'll be playing much (if at all), its still good to be prepared and ready. will probably update tomorrow. in a chatty mood. but well, i AM moody. so who knows what tomorrow brings.

besides, with you gone again, i have no one to talk to anymore.

so long, astoria! (what a brilliant title)