Films, and such.

listening to: Caught By The River by Doves

"son, what have you done? you've been caught be the river. you're coming undone. life, can't be so easy, but can't just leave it, cause you're not in control anymore."

im feeling utterly miserable. im tired of being alone. im tired of keeping things to myself. and i desperately need someone to talk to. but who? who is there when i need him/her? im a complete wreck right now and i have no one to talk. i've smsed a few people asking if they're free to talk and there's no response. i wanna pick up the phone and yabble all night about how i truely feel. but there's no one to call. dear god. tell me.

i've just walked out of my friends. we're suppose to watch the chronicles of riddick today. and after spending an hour with them, i just walked away from them. why did i do it. maybe it's the dawning realisation that i have no friends. those were my closest friends. and i felt foreign with them. they were all talking and i was there, pretending to be busy with the fucking handphone. and they were all joking and laughing and i just kept silent. ironically, they wouldn't have known how i felt unless they read this post, which i doubt they would.

lonely nights. i've spent too many of them. in this little deserted house im in. the house which lacks warmth, lacks noise, lacks love. i've spent my nights looking up at the night sky above my balcony, looking through the wet glass of my sister's room.

so many things hidden beneath the surface, as though time would wash away the problems beneath. i think i can survive alone, but i can't. im lost and there's no one to navigate me, no one to help. i don't know if im angry, of if im sad. im just confused. and i don't like the feeling. wish there was someone to talk to..

"yeah..im gonna have to move on. before we make it. yeah..it's hard."