Films, and such.

Je T'aime

'Therefore love moderately, long love doth so; too swift arrives as tardy as too slow.'
- Friar Lawrence to Romeo and Juliet

Love is possibly the most overrated feeling of them all. Love is all around us. And yet it remains very much an enigma. Human relationships are engineered by it, but it's exact definition remains as opaque as ever, it's meaning differs from person to person.

Modern society is afflicted with growing divorce rates. In Singapore, it has doubled over the last decade. Oprah claims one in four women is being battered by her other half. Remaining single is increasingly fashionable, and many are getting married later - at around 28 years of age. It begets the question, are we living in a loveless society?

Therein lies the root of the problem, and the topic of this essay of sorts. The questions assumes that we are suffering from a lack of love. Instead, i feel that it is not a lack of love but a misguided perception of love that is resulting in the general population's troubles with relationships. This, complicated by the fact that men and women are posessing an increasingly self centered personality.

Love, in my opinion, is not always happy. Love is not about funny jokes and hugs and kisses, accompanied by long phone coversations into the night. It is not about being passionate, it is not about grand gestures involving money, rain and long walks. It doesn't start with meeting 'the one', and end with a happy marriage. It is not easy. Love is never easy.

Love is about being bitter, it is about being jealous, it is difficult. At times it means you hate the very person you love, and is filled with anxiety and frustration.

You see, the problem is too many people think love should be easy.

When things are going well, it's easy to like somebody. Who doesn't like long kisses and holding hands and all that stuff. Young couples love swiftly, declaring their love and their marriage plans, and that they have 'never felt so strongly about each other'. Therefore, when couples argue, that believe that something is deadly wrong, that 'things cannot work out' and that 'it's just not meant to be'. So they go on looking for, falling into and out of 'love'. Quotable quotes such as 'if it's meant to be, let him/her go and he will come back' perpertuate this willingness to not hang on when things are rough.

Love is never easy, cause it's impossible to like every aspect of somebody. People glaze over this fact because they believe 'the one' must be perfect, he must be completely likeable. And if you're lucky, he/she might be. But odds are, pretty strongly, that it's just not possible. Hence, love is accepeting that people are flawed, but if you care about them strongly enough, maybe you can live with those flaws and work your way around them.

People think love is when you buy NintendoDS for her, or when she buys you a car, or fly miles to spend thirty minutes with you. People think spending $100 on a dinner is great, but that's not what it's about. It's not a comparison of spent bills and frequent flier miles. It's almost obsessive how people go about proving their love. If money equates to love, wouldn't Warren Buffet be the greatest lover of them all?

The strongest signs of love are the smallest things, but that's exactly why it's so often overlooked. When he walks you home, that for me is a great sign of love. Have you wondered, who the fuck are you to warrant someone escorting you home? When you are willing to just sit there and do nothing but waste hours of your time watching her play a sport, that is love. When he or she says something which he knows might result in an argument or a breakup, but still says it because it's for the best, that's love.

When i need a lesson on love, i look to my parents. They argue almost everyday, at times laced with such strong disdain. But they alternate between that and laughing at lame jokes and gardening together. You see, despite each other's flaws, they have worked around that.

In fact, it gets clearer when you look at your parent's love for you. It's never easy for them. They earn a decent amount, and an indecent proportion goes to you. In return, odds are, you've mouthed off and argued with them, shouted at them, been rude to them. All this while they continuously put food on your plate and pay for your PS3 or latest handphone. If you can grasp that, then you can perhaps start to understand what love really is, and why it's more than saying 'i love you' to your sweetheart after four weeks, or even four months of a relationship.